Chalice Circle Topic for January-- Waking Up in the New Year: Reflections on Transitions

By Crystal Neva, Adapted from, Jeff Packer’s sermon of the same name, shared at the Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship in December 2014

Note: See the Chalice Circle Session Sequence for process guidelines (following this outline).

Gathering, Welcoming (2 minutes)

Business
As needed—checking in about who is coming, where you are meeting, service projects, updating your group covenant….

Chalice Lighting and Reading (2-3 minutes)

Rumi:  The Dream that Must be Interpreted:

Humankind is being led along an evolving course,

Through this migration of intelligences,

And though we seem to be sleeping,

There is an inner wakefulness

That directs the dream,

And that will eventually startle us back

To the truth of who we are.

May this spark, which kindles our chalice

provide the light for awakening

in this time we share together

Check-in/Sharing (3-4 minutes@ - 30-40 minutes)

This is an opportunity to share recent events and/or current feelings that may (or may not) need to be set aside in order to be most present for the session.

Transition Meditation (optional, depending on the norms of the group)

Help the group move from check-in preliminaries to silence with directed deep breathing, soft words, music, or other meditative techniques.

Topic—Reflections on Transitions

Certain times of year seem to lend themselves to a discussion about transitions. Changing seasons, a New Year… probably, the topic is relevant at all times because life is actually always a series of transitions. On December 28^th, Jeff Packer gave the sermon, at BU, on this topic and brought up many things that are worthy of our careful consideration.

He reminded us about the constant flow of transitions—from the everyday transitions of getting out of bed in the morning (or in our out of the tub when we were children), the transitions we face based on our stage of life or development—the differences between the generations, based on different social circumstances and reactions to the previous generation, transitions involving illness and loss, and of course, the biggest transition—the one between life and death.

Jeff noted the following quote and then went on: “Life is an interesting mix between hanging on and letting go.”  The question then becomes: “What is worth hanging on to, and what do I need to let go of?”  I don’t think anyone can answer these for us, but they are worthy of deeper reflection.  Are we hanging on to things out of a sense fear, insecurity or lack?  Or out of deep commitment, compassion and love?  Letting go can also be extremely difficult.  Sometimes we are just not ready – and in some situations may never be ready!  And that’s OK.  But I have noticed a relationship between a refusal to let go when it’s needed, and the level of suffering one experiences.  Letting go is associated with a certain acceptance of situations beyond our control.  Some do find this through faith – a way of placing the situation in trust of Life itself or the will of God.  Similarly, some find it through spiritual surrender, which comes through a deep allowing of the present moment, and a willingness to embrace the mystery of life or the unknown. 

Deep Sharing/Deep Listening (60 minutes)

As we begin Deep Sharing and Deep Listening, I invite you to reflect on and share the transitions you are currently facing in your life and consider focusing your sharing on any or all of the following questions:

What are you holding on to?
What do you need to let go of?
What helps you let go—does it involve surrendering? To whom or what do you surrender?
If you are holding on to things that you really should let go of, why are you doing that?
How can you tell if you need to let go of something—is suffering our guide?
Which is harder for you—holding on or letting go, why?
What are your hopes regarding successful transitions for the New Year?

Open Discussion (as time permits—this is the cross talk portion)
This is the opportunity to ask questions, and continue to engage the topic….

Check-out/Feedback  (10 minutes)

Thank the group.   Ask what they liked in this session and what changes they would hope for.

Closing Reading/Extinguishing the Chalice

In the Garden, by Karen Miller

“Then I saw a garden.  I saw a multitude of iridescent greens.  The glint of sun-bleached stones.  Red bark and burnished branches.  The sheen on still water.  Light on a hill.  A foreground, a background: the seamless whole in three dimensions.  Colors with no names because I wasn’t naming them.  Beauty beyond measure because I wasn’t measuring it.  A view unspoiled because I wasn’t judging it.  The shine of the sky making everything vivid, even the shadows, with the radiance of being alive… When you see, really see, you just love.  When you love, really love, you just see.  You see things as they are, not as you expect… and in that wide-open space is love.  This is the kind of love that everyone wants, the kind that everyone needs… Unconditioned by definitions or demands… judgment or hesitation… You are in the Garden.”

December Chalice Circle Topic: Christmas Reflections

Christmas Reflections

Adapted from Main Line Unitarian Church, Devon, PA, December 2003

Note: See the Circle Ministry Session Sequence for process guidelines.

Gathering, Welcoming (2 minutes)

Opening Words & Chalice Lighting: 

Above the deep and dreamless sleep

The silent stars go by;

Yet in the dark streets shineth

The everlasting light;

The hopes and fears of all the years

Are met in thee tonight.                                    

                                                              – Philip Brooks

Check In/Sharing (3-4 minutes@ - 30-40 minutes)

(The facilitator should briefly remind the group of confidentiality/anonymity, that this is not the time for cross conversation, etc.)

Discussion (60 minutes)

[See Circle Ministry Session Sequence as a reminder of the structure of this segment.]

First response

Cross-conversation

Concluding statements

Focus Reading:  

There is much in the Christmas season that speaks to deep human needs.  The northern European countries needed the light giving, warmth giving aspects of the Yuletide. So the symbols of light have become an integral part of the season.  Though much has been written deploring the commercialization of Christmas, the giving of gifts is still an offering of love. Evergreens, symbolizing the ongoingness of life, pervade the celebration.

Light, love, life – these are some of the universal needs symbolized in the Christmas season.  But no less universal are their opposites – darkness, death, hate.  It is usually a mixture, if not a conflict, of these contrasting symbols that has come to characterize the season.  It has given rise to the “Christmas Syndrome” of Christmas depression – love/hate, elation/depression, togetherness/loneliness.

A way of not becoming entrapped in the Christmas syndrome is to refuse to go along with whatever it is that works to spoil the season for you.  What really counts at Christmas are aspirations of hope and peace, feelings of goodwill and joy, and personal relationships – the sharing of warmth and love.

                                                                           -Eugene Pickett

 Focus Questions:

How do you celebrate the Holidays?  What are the specific traditions that have meaning for you?  What are the difficult aspects of the Holidays for you?

What choices do you have about the ways that you and your family celebrate?

What things can you let go of? 

What things do you want to change or add?

Imagine a winter holiday season that brings you joy.

Checkout/Likes and Wishes

(This is the time for facilitators to ask participants what they liked about this meeting and what they might wish for future meetings.  This is also the time for any discussion of logistics.)

Closing Words & Extinguishing Chalice: 

The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

Chalice Circle Session Plan for November 2014

Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship

Chalice Circle topic for November, 2014

Descent into Darkness

By Crystal Neva, Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship

Note: See the Circle Ministry Session Sequence for process guidelines.

Gathering, Welcoming (2 minutes)

Chalice lighting (1 minute)

In sightless night, terrors draw near

Nameless fears of talon and tooth

Hopelessness yawns before us—an abyss

Alone and unknown in the gloom, longing for the dawn

O sacred flame blaze forth—wisdom brought to life

Guide us—

With the light of hope

The warmth of love

The beacon of purpose and meaning

Because we are all afraid of the dark

Let there be light

Check-in/Sharing (3-4 minutes@ - 30-40 minutes)

Discussion (60 minutes)

[See Circle Ministry Session Sequence as a reminder of the structure of this segment.]

First response

Cross-conversation

Concluding statements

Topic: Darkness

(Read this poem slowly—consider reading it twice with a pause in between)

October, by Mary Oliver

            1

There’s this shape, black as the entrance to a cave.

A longing wells up in its throat

like a blossom,

as it breaths slowly

What does the world

mean to you if you can’t trust it

to go on shining when you’re

not there? And there’s

a tree, long fallen; once
the bees flew to it, like a procession
of messengers, and filled it
with honey. 

            2

I said to the chickadee, singing his heart out in the green pine tree:

little dazzler,
little song,
little mouthful

            3

The shape climbs up out of the curled grass. It grunts into view. There is no measure
for the confidence at the bottom of its eyes--
there is no telling
the suppleness of its shoulders as it turns and yawns.

                        Near the fallen tree
something—a leaf snapped loose
from the branch and fluttering down—tries to pull me
into its trap of attention.

            4

It pulls me
into its trap of attention.

And when I turn again, the bear is gone.

            5

Look, hasn’t my body already felt
like the body of a flower?

            6

Look, I want to love this world
as though it’s the last chance I’m ever going to get
to be alive
and know it

            7

Sometimes in late summer I won’t touch anything, not
the flowers, not the blackberries
brimming in the thickets; I won’t drink
from the pond; I won’t name the birds or the trees;
I won’t whisper my own name.

                        One morning
the fox came down the hill, glittering and confident,
and didn’t see me—and I thought:

so this is the world.

I’m not in it.

It is beautiful.

Late autumn and winter are times of darkness. Bears are hibernating, birds move on for warmer weather. We endure the thickening barometer as the air gets heavier with water and the clouds push down upon us. The sun shines only sometimes—and we rejoice. But then it goes away again and we resign ourselves to the dull gray days. It is a time of sadness for some of us, a longing—a time when our energy and very life seems sucked out of us as the world around us withers and dies. Some of us are like the bear—we hunker down and hibernate. Some of us isolate. Perhaps we may see the darkness as the world’s permission to stay in and use it as a time for reflection…. We may note a sense of gratitude for the warmth of our homes and our loved ones, a time to gather for holidays as we wait for the return of the light.

Questions for Reflection:

(Invite people to answer the questions that speak to them—or reflect on the poem)

·      How are you affected by the darkness?

·      Is this a time of isolation? Longing? Reflection? Anticipation? Gratitude? Waiting?

·      Are you able to trust the world to go on shining if you aren’t there?

Feedback (15 minutes)

Thank the group….  Ask what they liked and what variations they would hope for.

Closing

We grow accustomed to the dark--
When Light is put away—

As when the Neighbor holds the Lamp

To witness her Goodbye—

A moment—We uncertain step

For newness of the night—

Then—fit for our Vision to the Dark—

And meet the Road—erect—

And so of larger—Darknessess—

Those evenings of the Brain—

When not a Moon disclose a sign—

Or Star—come out—within—

The Bravest—grope a little—

And sometimes hit a Tree

Directly in the Forehead—

But as they learn to see—

Either the Darkness alters—

Or something in the sight

Adjusts itself to Midnight—

And Life steps almost straight.

Emily Dickenson

Chalice Circle Session Plan for October 2014

Bellingham Unitarian Fellowship

Chalice Circle topic for October, 2014

Friendship

Adapted from Rev. Jan Carlsson-Bull for Circle Ministry at First Parish UU Cohasset, MA

Note: See the Circle Ministry Session Sequence for process guidelines.

Gathering, Welcoming (2 minutes)

Chalice lighting (1 minute)

Opening reading (1 minute)

What is it to be a friend?  Hear the words of that master of words and ideas and 19^th century Unitarian, Ralph Waldo Emerson, has to offer in his essay on friendship:

“We have a great deal more kindness than is ever spoken.  Maugre all the selfishness that chills like east winds the world, the whole human family is bathed with an element of love like a fine ether.  How many persons we meet in houses, whom we scarcely speak to, whom yet we honor, and who honor us!  How many we see in the street, or sit with in church, whom, though silently, we warmly rejoice to be with!  Read the language of these wandering eye-beams.  The heart knoweth. 

….I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage.  When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know.”

Check-in/Sharing (3-4 minutes@ - 30-40 minutes)

Discussion (60 minutes)

[See Circle Ministry Session Sequence as a reminder of the structure of this segment.]

First response

Cross-conversation

Concluding statements

Topic: Friendship

What is it to be a friend?  What is a healthy friendship?   Why is such a friendship sometimes hard to sustain?

            The research psychologist, John M. Gottman, has spent over twenty years looking at the key elements of healthy relationships between spouses, lovers, children, siblings, colleagues, and friends. In his book, The Relationship Cure, Gottman posits that the most delightful – and volatile – aspect of friendship is the voluntary nature of it all.  Whether it’s a cup of coffee, a lavish gift, or an offer to stay by your sickbed, favors from friends are intentional acts of generosity.  Friends are not obligated to us by law, economics, or family bonds.  Our friends turn toward our bids for connection simply because they want to, and that’s what makes those relationships rewarding.

            By the same token, our friendships often suffer from a lack of time because of all our other commitments and obligations.  So it often takes a bit of extra effort and creative thought to find opportunities for turning toward your friends. 

Consider in silence for awhile these questions:

How would you describe the friendships that have lasted long and that you most value?

What have you learned from friendships that you initially valued but that didn’t last?

Why do you think Emerson felt friendships should be treated “with roughest courage?”  How does this understanding connect with Gottman’s claim that “the most delightful – and volatile – aspect of friendship” is its voluntary nature?”  

What experiences can you draw on that reflect the time you have devoted to your friendships?  The imagination? 

For our concluding thoughts: How are you a good friend?

Feedback (15 minutes)

Thank the group….  Ask what they liked and what variations they would hope for.

Closing (1 minute)

Friendship is a spiritual and practical matter.  The third century theologian, Eusebius understood this well:

“....may I be the friend

            of that which is eternal and abides.

            ....May I never fail a friend.

            May I respect myself.”